Ancient Confucian philosopher Xun Zi once wrote, “Pride and excess bring disaster for man.”  The last few years have taught us that the inverse of Xun Zi’s maxim is also true; disasters have led to pride and excess, which, in turn, have lead to some of humanity’s finest responses to tragedies.  Here is the countdown of humanity’s recent dim-witted and heartless cracks at human suffering (expect a couple of sequels).

 

10)  Ford Takes Advantage of Japan’s Devastated Auto Industry

Legendary business mogul and philanthropist John D. Rockefeller once said, “I always try to turn disaster into an opportunity.”  Ford took this saying to “heart” by looking to increase Ford sales in post-Tsunami Japan, where companies like Toyota, Nissan, and Honda, who are struggling to rebuild their plants, cannot compete. Ford Japan chief executive Tim Tucker marveled, “The opportunities for Ford in Japan have never been greater.”

 

9) Rumor of Yuko Yamaguchi’s Death in the Japanese Tsunami

Although seemingly innocuous compared to the other examples on this list, the Internet rumor of the Hello Kitty designer’s Tsunami-related death is a glaring example of stereotyping in the wake of disaster. Because when I think of life-shattering devastation, Chococat and scented erasers are the first images that come to mind.

I am extremely happy to report that Ms. Yamaguchi is alive and well. 

 

8) Global Fear of Expensive Sushi

Fears of radiation in Japan’s fish exports led to the possibility of price increases in sushi. Millions of people feared that they would no longer be able to afford the fishy morsels of Japan’s biggest practical joke. In reality, we all know that any nutritional deficit, like this one, can be made up with corn byproducts.

 

7) Sarah Palin Tweet to “Peace-Seeking Muslims”

Whether or not you agree with the proposed Times Square mosque project, I think everyone can agree that Palin’s response to years of post-9/11 suffering puts the herp in her derp. She tweeted:

Ground Zero Mosque supporters: doesn’t it stab you in the heart, as it does ours throughout the heartland? Peaceful Muslims, pls refudiate*
(*- Note: NOT a word)

She later changed it to:

Peaceful New Yorkers, pls refute the Ground Zero mosque plan if you believe catastrophic pain caused @ Twin Towers site is too raw, too real.

And added another:

Peace-seeking Muslims pls understand. Ground Zero mosque is UNNECESSARY provocation; it stabs hearts. Pls reject it in interest of healing.

Because only the most volatile and heinous Muslims would support the Ground Zero Mosque. I have composed a tweet in response:

Literate Republicans: pls understand. Truck Nuts are UNNECESSARY provocations.  Pls. reject them in the interest of healing.

Sarah, the next time you have a thought, just let it go.

6) BP Oil Spill Scams

In the wake of the worst environmental disaster ever to occur in the US an entire nation sent an outpouring of love and support to our fellow citizens in the Gulf. Well, okay, not the entire nation. Some saw it as an opportunity to make a quick buck. So ubiquitous were these scams in fact that the US Government had to actually put out a bulletin warning the citizens of Louisiana to keep an eye on their pocket books.

 I just gained a lot of respect for Nigerian Princes.

 

5) Family Guy Writer’s Pearl Harbor Joke

I could devote an entire article to comedians who have delivered tasteless Tsunami-related jokes (Gilbert Gottfriend and Daniel Tosh, I’m talking to you).  But Family Guy writer Alex Sulkin delivered a Pearl Harbor joke wasn’t just offensive; it was poorly delivered. I’ve always had respect for comedians who are willing to GO THERE, but only the best can succeed at this. Sulkin tweeted:

"If you wanna feel better about this earthquake in Japan, Google 'Pearl Harbor death toll'."

Sulkin eventually apologized, claiming that he wrote the offensive tweet under the assumption that the “death toll was much lower.”

 

4) Alexandra Wallace’s Famous Library Rant

Source

I bet she always has HER cell phone out during (fashion) emergencies.

 

3) Nicole Santos Facebook Hack

The It Gets Better campaign was created in response to high suicide rates among homosexual children and teens. Just as a nation was healing from its recent wave of teen suicides, a hacker doused Facebook with homophobic slurs geared towards high school students.  The words

"F*** you f*****. Go kill yourself. Vote for Nicole Santos [for Junior Class President]” appeared on the walls of millions of Facebook users.

I’m surprised that the word “class” is even in that quote. The Winklevoss twins would have never let this happen.

 

2) Title: Hot 97’s “Tsunami Song”

Radio station Hot 97’s  “Tsunami Song” was aired in 2005 in response to the 2004 Indian Ocean earthquake and tsunami that killed over 200,000 people. I would rather sit through 1,000 hours of Rebecca Black’s cover of “We Are the World” on repeat than listen to this song once.  Here are the lyrics and song link (proceed with caution).

(start at 3:55)

There was a time
When the sun was shining bright
So I went down to the beach to catch me a tan

Then the next thing I knew

A wave 20 feet high came and washed your whole country away

And all at once you could hear all the screaming Chinks

And no one was safe from the wave

There were Africans drowning

Little Chinamen swept way

You could hear God laughing
 "Swim You bitches, swim

"
[Chorus]

So now you're screwed,
 it's a tsunami
You better run and better kiss your ass away
Go find your mommy

I just saw her float by, a tree right through her head, and now your children will be sold child slavery
 [Repeat chorus]

 

1) The May 21 Rapture Prediction

Harold Camping’s May 21 Rapture prediction was partially based on the idea that Earth’s most recent disasters are signs of the second coming of Christ. He often insinuated that victims of Japan’s earthquake and tsunami died because of their cultural absence of Christ. These are some of the “supporting facts” of his argument:

 “The Mississippi River is flooding.  Famine will run rampant in the United States between May 21 and the End of the World on October 21, 2011.  Once starvation sets in, everyone affected will recognize the End of The World 2011, and the teachings of Harold Camping will become more widely accepted.  The situation caused by the flooding of the Mississippi River will devastate not just the mid-west, but the entire world will feel the effects of the lost crops

North Korea has faced famine due to a grain deficit this year, and the refugees in Burma were facing starvation just about a year ago.  While there have always been hungry people in the world, this is the first time in recent memory that the United States has been threatened by famine.  God is trying to give very clear signs that May 21 will be Doomsday for many people.

As Los Angeles braces for ‘The Big One,’ which many believe will come on May 21, 2011 – the Earthquakes in Japan are still on everyone’s mind.  The massive earthquake that struck Japan may be just a preview of what Los Angeles is expecting, but also serves as a more evidence that the End of The World is coming soon.  God will destroy the World after Judgement Day on October 21, 2011.”

This is humanity’s finest response to tragedy, and irony’s finest response to zealotry.

These are just ten examples of humanity’s finest responses to tragedy. As Yoda says, “Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” But as we learned in this countdown, the reverse is also true. Welcome to the Dark Side.